Believe
by xAphroditex
Summary: "Running her hand along the smooth surface, May allowed more tears to flow."
1. Chapter 1

Believe

May sat in her car and watched the people enter and exit the building. She knew she should have come later. Why wouldn't there be crowds of people? She recognized most of the people; few people were unfamiliar to her. When she saw the last person exit the building she still waited a few minutes, just to be sure. She did not need company, she did not need to talk or reminisce with anyone. She needed to be alone.

Finally, she took a breath and pushed her car door open. She slowly walked up to the entrance and pushed the door open. She stood still in the entrance for a moment, collecting herself. May didn't know how to handle this situation. Sure, she had been in this position before, it came with the job, but now she was here for him. Taking a deep breath she moved forward. She entered the room. Flowers were everywhere and rows of chairs were set up, thankfully all empty now.

May forced herself to move forward down the aisle until she reached the front, until she reached the closed casket.

May let the tear fall down her cheek. She placed her hand on the casket and looked at the picture next to it. It was the picture from his ID badge. Agents didn't have many pictures for safety reasons, but there had to be a better one out there, May thought.

Running her hand along the smooth surface, May allowed more tears to flow.

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_May entered the lunchroom. Being quiet, she had yet to make any friends. She saw an empty table and made her way to it. Training was tough, but she enjoyed it. She was already at the top of her class. Her achievements mixed with her shyness made rumors flow about her. She thought it was strange for people training to be a part of SHIELD were so petty. Still, for the first time she felt like she belonged somewhere, like she could do some good. She could endure it; she knew she would have to endure much worse if she continued with SHIELD._

_May had just picked up her fork when a tray was set on the table in front of her and a guy sat down. _

"_Do you mind if I sit here?" He asked._

"_Uh, sure" May responded._

"_Thanks, it's really full today." He said as he looked around the cafeteria. "You're Melinda May."_

_May nodded. "Yes, and you're, uh…"_

"_Phil Coulson," He reached his hand across the table. May shook his hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I've seen you around. You're pretty good." He smirked. "Top of the class good."_

"_Yeah, that's me."_

"_You know if I was at the top I would be much more enthusiastic about it." May raised an eyebrow. "I'm just saying." He raised his hands. "Don't kick my ass."_

"_Keep trying to analyze me and I might not have a choice." It was Coulson's turn to raise an eyebrow and May to smirk._

"_So, do you read comics?"_

_CMCMCM_

"Why did you do it, Phil? SHIELD needs you," May whispered. "I need you." She rested both hands on his casket and took deep breaths.

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_"You know, just because you are Level 4 now and I'm still Level 3 doesn't mean I'm going to listen to you."_

"_I'm aware of that."_

"_You better be, Coulson. I'm still, and always will be, your boss." May smiled from across the table. "But tonight is about you and your promotion. I guess I can buy you a few drinks."_

"_You're buying? Wow, it really is a special day." He raised his drink. "To my promotion and your soon to be promotion."_

_May raised her glass. "You really think so?"_

"_Of course. You are the best there is, Mel. You just need to stop questioning commands so much."_

"_Well, if that's the case, I'm going to be Level 3 forever."_

"_No you won't." Phil smiled. "I need my partner next to me, not behind me."_

_CMCMCM_

_"You ok?" Coulson asked?_

_ "I don't want to talk about it."_

_ "I know." Coulson sat on the couch next to May. He put his arm around her shoulder. She eventually moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder._

_CMCMCM_

"_Finally!" May exclaimed as she sat in the booth. "It took you long enough."_

"_Yeah, yeah" Coulson waved off. "I'm finally with you at Level 7. Calm down, it only took 2 months."_

"_I know, but I need my partner next to me, not behind me." _

_Coulson laughed into his beer. "So what kinds of secrets can you let me in on now?"_

_CMCMCM_

"_You can't say things like that!" May almost yelled._

"_Why not?" Coulson said, matching her voice._

"_Because you are the one who always trusts the system. You are the one who follows orders!"_

"_Well this time I don't know if I can."_

"_It isn't your fault."_

"_Then whose fault is it?" Coulson sounded defeated. He rested his hands on the countertop. _

_May stood next to him and rested her hand on top of his. "It's not yours, Phil. You did everything you could."_

"_Why do we do this, Mel?"_

"_Because who else will?" She gave a sad smile. "Who is better than you and me?"_

_Coulson held her hand. "We are going to give our lives for SHIELD. What will we get in return?"_

"_I think-" May started slowly, "I think we are where we are supposed to be, doing what we are supposed to do. Maybe in the end, death is what we get in return."_

"_Do you believe that?" Coulson asked quietly, looking May in the eyes._

"_I have to. I have to believe in something." May responded, never taking her eyes off him. _

"_I believe in you."_

_CMCMCM_

"_I'm going to take a vacation." May said void of emotion._

"_You deserve it." Coulson responded from where he stood, watching May pack her things. "You will have your pick of where to go once we get back to New York."_

"_No," May said. "I'm leaving from here. I'm not going back to New York."_

"_Mel, please stop for a minute."_

"_There is a plane I can catch. I need to hurry."_

"_Melinda, stop." Coulson tried to be firm. "You need to stop and take a breath."_

"_I need to get out of here." She argued._

_He grabbed her hands. "Let the girl go, Mel." He sat on the bed next to her carry-on bag._

_May stared at him, a mix of pain and anger in her eyes. "You don't know-"_

"_Then tell me. What happened?" She tried to pull away but he held on. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her. "Tell me."_

_May wrapped her arms around him and her knees gave out. He held her as they both fell to the ground. He never let go as she cried. "I don't know if I can do this."_

"_You can." He whispered._

_CMCMCM_

May lifted her head from Coulson's casket. "I really don't want company right now." Instead of retreating, she could hear the footsteps moving toward her. She wiped her face with her sleeve.

"I'm glad you are still so aware of your surroundings." May didn't turn around. "At least you haven't lost that in administration."

"Is this really the time or place to talk to me about my career choice?"

Fury stopped once he was standing next to May. "We don't always get to choose when and where we have certain conversations."

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_May looked up from her paperwork when she felt a presence next to her desk. She would be lying if she denied she was shocked to see Romanoff standing there. Still, she kept a blank face._

"_What can I do for you, Agent Romanoff?"_

"_Can we talk somewhere private?" To anyone listening, she sounded calm and collected, but May could tell something was off, something was wrong. "It's important."_

_May slowly stood and led Romanoff to an empty conference room. "What is going on?" She asked once she closed the door._

"_Melinda-" Romanoff stopped. She took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Melinda. Coulson was killed in the line of duty."_

_May knew what she was going to say before Romanoff said it. She sat in a chair and covered her face. "How?"_

_Knowing that she wasn't supposed to say anything about the classified mission, Romanoff sat down as well and told May everything. _

_At the end of the story May stood up. She walked to her desk and collected her things and left._

_Everyone in the office watched in awe as Melinda May left the office followed shortly by Natasha Romanoff._

_CMCMCM_

"I'm not going to stand around here all day, Director." May said without emotion. "So whatever it is you are here to say, say it." She ordered.

"It's time for you to come out of retirement." May scoffed. "Enough hiding, enough running, enough." Fury said. "SHIELD needs you, more than ever."

"SHIELD will have to find someone else."

"Soon, you will be the only one SHIELD needs."

"What does that mean?" May finally looked at Fury.

He didn't respond. He turned and started to walk away. May shook her head, not caring. She wasn't going back in the field – ever.

May rested her hands on the casket once more and slowly opened the top, ready to see him one last time. She quickly jumped back and dropped the top. The noise rang out through the building. Slowly, she opened it once more.

She didn't realize it, but Fury was right behind her.

"SHIELD is going to need you again."

She lowered the top once more, careful this time. She stood still, silent.

Quicker than Fury expected, May turned around and punched him in the face. "Where is his body?" her voice laced with anger.

Fury rubbed his jaw. "I'm going to allow that just this once. Agent –" He was cut off again by another fist to his face.

"Where the hell is he?" May yelled.

This time Fury grabbed her arm and pushed her against the wall. "Listen to me." He got in her face. Before he could say anything she broke free from his grasp.

"Is he alive?"

Fury took a breath. "No."

"So he is dead?"

"No"

"Then what is he?" she yelled. She laughed humorlessly when he didn't respond. "You're not going to tell me."

"No"

"Then what is this? Why are you here?"

"I'm here as a warning, a heads up." Fury walked up and stood directly in front of her. "The world has changed. And we need to be ready."

"So that means experimenting on someone who deserves peace?" May whispered. Even though the SHIELD director towered over her, she was not intimidated. She knew that he wasn't going to say anything else. She stepped away. "Let him die with dignity." She almost begged.

With one last look at Fury she left the funeral home. She didn't get a chance to hear the Director say, "He is going to need you more than ever."

CMCMCM

"_You know, I've been thinking about death lately." Coulson said out of nowhere. _

_May turned her head and raised an eyebrow._

_They had just completed a mission successfully. They would be leaving for another in the morning, but tonight they were lying out on a runway at a classified SHIELD location. It was a warm night and the sky was clear, perfect for star gazing._

"_Is it because we are on a runway and could get run over by a plane?"_

_Coulson laughed. "No, but now that you mention it, we should be careful." He sat up. "I want to go first."_

_May sat up as well. "Excuse me?"_

"_I want to die first." He repeated. He went on before she could respond. "You are stronger than me. I believe you would be able to handle it better. If you go first, I don't know what I would do."_

_May was at a loss for words. She tried to say something but couldn't think of anything._

"_I want it to be quick and for a good reason too. I know we don't get to pick our death, but it's going to happen and I hope it means something."_

_May still did not know what to say. _

"_I don't know why I am thinking about it so much."_

"_I don't either." May finally said, a little angrier than intended. "You're not going anywhere anytime soon."_

"_Who says?"_

"_I say, Coulson."_

"_And if I disobey this order?" He leaned in close._

_May didn't move away. "Then you better come back so I can kick your ass."_

End.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I didn't think this was going to have a second chapter. I felt like exploring some of Coulson's memories and how he would first approach May. Also, I would like to thank everyone for the reviews. Without them I don't think I would have posted this chapter. Thank you.

Chapter 2

Coulson sat on the front steps of the apartment complex. He looked at his watch. It was 11:53pm on a Tuesday night. The streets were quiet. It was a bit cold as well. He would have brought a heavier jacket if he knew he was going to sit outside and drive himself crazy.

Coulson looked up and down the street. It was a nice street he thought. Safe, well lit, and not SHIELD housing. He noticed a playground at the end of the street. Coulson wondered if there were a lot of kids in the neighborhood. He also wondered what kind of dog he heard barking in one of the apartments.

But most of all, Coulson wondered if he would ever stop being such a coward and go inside the apartment building he had been stalking for the last week.

But what was he supposed to do? Knock on the door and say 'Hey, I'm back from the dead. Coffee?'

CMCMCM

_Coulson couldn't help but stare at the woman and her sparring partner. He recognized her as Melinda May right away. Her sparring partner was a well-known retired field agent. He was easily twice her size but she held her own. She moved with grace and ease. It was like watching a dance. As good as she was it didn't take long for her SO to knock her to the ground. Coulson smiled as she got up right away._

"_That girl is so weird. I don't think she can talk." One of Coulson's classmates said as he came up next to Coulson._

_Coulson raised an eyebrow. "Maybe she is too busy kicking ass to talk to you."_

"_Whatever" the guy said and walked away._

_When Coulson made it to the lunchroom later he noticed her right away sitting alone. There were plenty of empty tables and he saw a few of his buddies at one on the other side of the room. _

"_Do you mind if I sit here?" Coulson asked._

_She was caught off guard, but responded, "Uh, sure."_

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She let him in, once, way back when, but that was when they were young, naïve, unburdened by the hell they experienced as they became legends within SHIELD.

Coulson died and now here he was on her front stoop.

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"_So we are partners." May smiled. "You better not mess this up, Coulson."_

"_I better not mess this up?" Coulson sized May up. "You better not mess up our first mission."_

"_Please" May laughed "I could do this with my hands tied behind my back."_

"_You probably could." Coulson said as he began going over the file in his hand. "You should probably read this over though, just in case."_

"_Just in case something goes wrong?"_

"_It could happen."_

"_It could." May said. "But I will have you."_

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"_You okay?" May asked._

"_I don't want to talk about it."_

"_I know." May sat on the bench next to Coulson. She looked at the park across the way that he was staring at. She rested her hand on his knee. Eventually, he rested his hand on top of hers._

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"_You know, as Level 7 agents, we probably shouldn't be doing this."_

"_Come on, Mel." Coulson downed his drink. "Live a little!"_

"_I can't believe you are saying that." May laughed. "Who are you and what have you done with Phil Coulson."_

"_He decided to take a vacation a few drinks ago." He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the beach. "Come on. Trust me."_

_May let him drag her. "Always."_

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"_Do you ever think about leaving SHIELD?" Coulson asked out of nowhere._

_May looked up from her paperwork. "Quite often actually."_

"_Why don't you?"_

"_Where else would I go? What else would I do?"_

"_Live a normal life?"_

_May studied him. "Is that what you want?"_

"_Sometimes."_

_May set her pen down. "I have no doubt that you would make a great husband and father. Whatever job you do you would for sure excel at it." May took a breath. "Here, you will probably not experience that. But here, with SHIELD, you will do great things. You will protect the world and probably save it more than once."_

"_Why do you have so much confidence in me? How often do I screw up?"_

"_Because everyone screws up. It's part of growing and becoming better." May walked around the desk and stood in front of him. "I am confident in you because even though you think you are a screw up, you prove yourself time and time again." May smiled. "You're my partner and I can't think of anyone else I want by my side."_

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Coulson sat on her front stoop wringing his hands. He has stared down the worst of the worst. Hell, he died. Now he was here with sweaty hands afraid to talk to May like some teenage boy.

When May took her vacation after Bahrain Coulson understood her need to be alone. It was her way of processing. When she returned and started taking solo missions he understood that as well. She needed to work through something and eventually she would come to him. But as time went on, she stayed away. She actually avoided him. She never called, never checked in.

Coulson's worry slowly turned to anger. For all they had been through together, for all they had seen, she decided to end it without a word. There was no notice or explanation. He trusted her with his life. She was the one person he would lay his life down for. And she couldn't trust him with what happened. She didn't have the courage to tell him to his face that she was moving on.

Coulson had never felt so hurt, so angry, so betrayed.

But now, sitting outside her home at midnight, he feels like he understands. Something terrible happened in that building in Bahrain, something that destroyed one of SHIELD's strongest.

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"_So have you talked to your wife lately?" Barton asked from across the table._

_Coulson knew exactly who he was talking about. "No" he responded simply._

"_Really?" Romanoff asked. "Weren't you just in New York?"_

"_Yes." Coulson didn't want to have this conversation._

"_Didn't she just get back from her three month vacation?" Barton scoffed. "May needs to get off her ass and back to work."_

"_Shut up, Barton." Romanoff said. She looked sympathetically at Coulson. "He's right though. She needs-"_

"_Nobody knows what May needs." Coulson snapped." May doesn't know what she needs. But when she figures it out, she knows I'll be there for her." He finished quietly. _

_Barton leaned forward, looking genuinely concerned. "What happened in Bahrain?"_

"_I don't know."_

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Coulson's anger at May eventually dissipated, but he still stayed away, waited for her to come to him. But then the Avengers Initiative came.

Coulson can't deny that he is different. He doesn't know how or why, but he knows that he has changed. He died and now he is back. He really doesn't want to talk about it, he wants to bury it and move on.

He finally understood wanting to escape something horrific. But at the same time, he needed someone who would be there for him. Who, if he wanted to talk, would listen and not judge.

CMCMCM

"_Let's dance!" May exclaimed as she quickly jumped out of her seat at the bar. She pulled Coulson with her. "When was the last time we danced?"_

"_I think it was the last time you drank tequila." Coulson laughed. "I swear you can handle anything except tequila."_

"_Everyone has their weakness." May said as she stumbled a little onto the dance floor. _

_The partners had decided to reward themselves with a night out after a successful mission. Both Coulson and May were able to pull off most dances, but nobody would know that watching them. Coulson twirled May a few times and made sure she didn't trip over her own two feet. _

"_We should probably get going soon." Coulson said. "You have to pilot a plane in the morning."_

_May smiled. "I can pilot that plane in my sleep." She pulled herself closer to Coulson. "Just a few more minutes" she said quietly. "I like being here with you."_

_Coulson held her in his arms. "I like being here with you too." He looked into her eyes. "I like nights like this."_

_May looked up into his eyes as well, just realizing how close they really were. She still didn't pull back. "Me too."_

_CMCMCM_

Coulson finally stood up and walked to the building door. He reached out to grab the handle, but instead of pulling the door open his hand fell. He couldn't do it. He lowered his head and turned to leave. When he lifted his head he jumped. Melinda May was standing at the bottom of the steps staring at him, breathing heavily. Possibly from seeing him or more likely from the run she was getting back from.

Coulson opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. May looked like she wanted to say something as well but couldn't. She slowly walked up the steps.

"Hi" she said when she was in front of him.

"Hi"

She slowly moved around him and opened the door. He followed her up to her apartment. They stood awkwardly in the entrance of her home.

"I, uh, should probably go shower." Coulson nodded and watched her walk down the hall.

When May returned she saw Coulson sitting on her couch with two cups of tea in front of him.

"I thought you might want some." He said almost nervously.

"Thank you." May moved around the coffee table to sit next to him on the couch. She took a sip of the tea. After a moment she said, "You died."

"Yes."

"And now you are here."

"Yes."

May turned her head to look at him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." He leaned back and rubbed his face. "Not yet."

May nodded. She pulled her feet up on the couch and rested against Coulson. He pulled the blanket on the back of the couch over May and then put his arm around her.

"I'm glad you are here." She mumbled.

"Me too." He responded quietly.

CMCMCM

May hurried into her office building the next morning almost three hours late. She was at her cubicle when the office manager came up next to her.

"I'm sorry I'm so late."

The office manager, Mark Jackson, eyed her strangely. "Don't worry about it, Agent May." He said. It was the first time he called her Agent May. "Director Fury was in this morning and informed me you would be late. He left this for you." He handed her a file. "He also informed me that Maria Hill will be stopping by later and requests that you two have access to a conference room. Any idea why?"

"Probably something to do with this" she indicated the file in her hand.

"What is it?"

"Level 7" she almost snapped at her boss. She didn't mean to be so rude, but she had an idea about what was going on was not happy about it.

"You have work to do." He said curtly and walked away.

May sat down and stared at the file in her hands.

To: Agent Melinda May

Level 7: Classified

Urgent

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"Mark Jackson?" the man in the office lifted his head from his paperwork.

"Yes, how can I help you, Mr.…?" He stood up behind his desk.

"Agent Phil Coulson" he reached out to shake the office manager's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Jackson."

"What can I do for you, Agent Coulson?"

"I was wondering where Melinda May's desk is."

Mark Jackson sat down in his chair. "This has to do with that file Director Fury dropped off last week?" Coulson smiled pleasantly and nodded. "I need time to fill her position."

"Today will be her last day." Coulson said, still keeping a friendly face in place.

"She never informed me."

"Well, Agent May is unaware this is her last day." He smirked. "I probably should have informed her sooner, but she is needed elsewhere."

"Where is that?"

"That is classified." Mark Jackson let out a breath. "You know who she is, Mr. Jackson. Agent May is severely underutilized here in the offices. I do sincerely apologize for the short notice. I wish I could have given more." Coulson looked out at the cubicles. "Her desk, please?"

"Middle row, 3 down."

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Jackson. Have a great day."

Coulson watched as May stapled paper for a few seconds with a raised eyebrow. This was definitely not her.

"Agent May."

She stopped and raised her head. "No"

He smiled. "So you've been briefed."

END.


End file.
